#8

Dear--,

It hurts so much because you don't know just what the hell you're doing to me. I'm tired of fighting this pain. I just want to know the truth. It feels as if you're hanging on to me because it's convenient. And, you'd let me go at a moment's notice... or if you find some other girl that's more convenient and much much better than I am.

You don't understand the meaning behind my words when I told you that I felt like a toy, a tool. It wasn't my ex. It was you. I feel as if I'm being used by you. I'm just a placeholder in your mind. And even now... I feel like its less than that.

What am I to you now?

I feel like a fool, thinking that what we had actually meant something to you. But I was wrong. I'm glad I didn't tell you how much you meant to me....because it would've been so much more humiliating. You're worth everything to me... truly I'd stop everything for your sake. Yet, I know now that that's unrequited. I'm not worth anything to you. If you'd rather find affection in someone that treats you like shit... go ahead. If it has to be like that, then I don't want you to like me because I don't want to treat you like shit. Because you're not; never in my eyes.

I wish you'd realize what you're doing to me, every damn day. I wish you'd read this.

I hate you so much because I like you too much...

My private pain, Cruel... do you understand? The root of my misery is you, Bravo, mi amore.

-ht