#16

Dear--,

I'm wearing a mask of neutrality. It's the only way I can keep this flow of pain at bay.

That's ultimately because I don't know what you feel towards me. I'm scared to act because of that... I thought I knew what you were thinking, but I seem to be wrong. You're too good at hiding yourself from me. Now I have to do the same with you... to protect myself.

I really really wish we could just be open and blunt with ourselves, while sober. I don't want to use alcohol as a crutch. I want to tell you how I feel and what I think... with all of me present.

Either let my affection grow or die... just let me know. This is my only wish and desire, my dear. If you can't grant me anything else... grant me this, I beseech you.

"But I never say that I was into you. Only hoped that you'd want to... somehow know what I was thinking and tell me that it was alright.

4AM... and words meant nothing. No need to drive the sleep from my eyes when there's none coming tonight."



Yours,
ht.