#10

Dear--,

Not liking you is much harder than you know.

I have no one to blame for this hell but myself. I hate myself for letting you lead me on. It's damn fine now that I'm stuck in this pain.

Goddamnit. My heart isn't a fucking toy you can just fool around with.

Two damn years, I've closed myself up... and I was lucky enough to choose you to reopen myself.

I hate myself for liking you. I really do. I know clearly that you aren't torn by this pain or bothered by this. I'm glad... but at the same time... I'd wish to serve you a piece of my suffering. Just so you understand exactly what you make me go through every fucking day.

But it wasn't all in vain. I learned that I should just close this heart of mine permanently. It would spare me so much pain.

I wish... I wish I continued to avoid you instead of this. I would've been spared so much pain... so many fewer drinks.

The fault is mine... and I must pay for it.

The heart is the core of this. I can't stop liking you... so I must kill my heart, for that is the root of my sweet precious pain.

End me... love. Torture and kill me with that joy and bliss that I shall never have. Destroy me. I... give up.

-Hana.