the fine lines in and out of life. (as if it fucking matters anymore)

I'm doing my best.

But that's not fucking enough.

My body is being pushed beyond its limits right now.

My arms and legs are bruised... my hands are swollen. My muscles are aching.

I'm tired, but no rest will come to me.

I'm so damn exhausted. Mentally and physically.

I work for money that I don't even get to see.

Why do I even bother waking up that early in the morning... to work for something that I don't even get to touch. 

Just fucking once I'd like to be able to spoil myself. I mean if I don't have anyone willing to do that for me, then I might as well do it for myself.

But I can't.

I can't even afford to have any time for fun.

It took a visit from an acquaintance to make me feel even more like shit and remind myself of the failure that I am.

My body is broken, but my spirit is still intact... for  now.

I don't know how long I can keep going before I collapse.

My hands and feet are full of callouses...

There are perpetual bags under my eyes.

My skin is dead.

I've never felt more disgusting in my life. 

Just once, I'd like to have an excuse to dress up... to even be able to wear a dress or skirt.

Just once... I want to feel as if I'm a human being.

Just once... I'd like to see someone make the sacrifice for me, as small as it is... because I don't have anything to give anymore. I give and give and give and give...

I am empty. 

But I'm still fighting. I'm still standing.

At this very moment... I'm still alive.

I will make it better.

 I don't expect anything to get easier in the future... but what I do know is that I'll be strong enough to handle it. Therefore, things will get  better.

I swear.

Nankurunaisa.