Thursday, September 15, 2011

whatever lies beyond this morning...

It's come to that point of where I have to step it up.

I need to be stronger, better, and braver. There's no space for weakness. I can't cower behind anything anymore. I need to let go and move on. I have a whole life ahead of me that I need to build and a present that I must rebuild.

To live. To die. Perchance... to dream. To dream no more, as reality awaits. And so I must take these risks and chances. And take them I did... hence this is why I've uprooted myself from my place of comfort into foreign territory.

In the span of these few months, I have changed once more. Indeed I have become stronger... yet at the same time I've in a sense grown weaker. But, this is a good weakness, I guess. All these emotions that I've held back in my heart out of fear to tasting that bittersweet heartbreak once more have slowly trickled back. I'm honestly still afraid to love and grow attached to a person. It's just too much of a risk and impossible to calculate the logistis. But... I can't back down. I can't just let go. I don't understand why, but I just can't give up just because I'm scared of getting hurt again. I don't know... eh.

What's there to life anyway? Nothing really. At least in my eyes. But even if there's nothing to life, I'd rather live life with someone that I can waste away nothing with. I guess. Ooh, only the rest of my life will tell.

As for now, I'll keep walking. I'll keep fighting as painful as this battle is. I don't know...

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