surge.

I've finally managed to pull myself out of this depressive state.

I was out of it for such a long time.

Though, isn't the point to get out of it? Going back "into it" would be rather strange. We're limiting ourselves to be normal, in a way. Alas, conformity is the societal norm. I suppose.

But that's beside the point.

I've learned a lot these pasts months.

I've realized that I've really let myself get soft.

I'm depending on people too often. I wasn't like that.

Self-sufficiency was my life. It was how I survived all those years.

I placed emotions before reason. That was my fatal mistake that sent me spiraling down this endless descent into hell.

I'll never let this happen again.

I doubt I'll ever try and open my heart up to anyone anymore. It's just not worth the pain and suffering. It was like have my soul ripped out along with my heart. Hell beyond measure, that's what it was. So excruciating, yet I loved that pain.

I won't give up though. I'll still fight... I've gone too far into this to give up.

I've managed to stop cutting, for now. Though I don't know how long I can remain clean. Three years was my longest, hopefully I'll trump that.

I'm positive I will this time. It just doesn't thrill me anymore... at least I don't really feel any pain. All I get out of it is the that it serves as a stark reminder that I'm human on the inside and I'm entitled to emotions as well. It's blood that flows through me. Life...

So I'll live in spite of life. In spite of everything and everyone.