break.

Why do I become so anxious when too many good things happen? or when I'm just happy... in general.

Rather than enjoying the moment, I'm stuck worrying and trying to anticipate how balance will sweep in and take back its fair share.

Am I cursed to feel miserable until my end?

Why does happiness bring so much guilt upon my shoulders? Though I do wonder... do I deserve all this joy? Somehow, there's always something telling me that I don't deserve it and instead I should be subjected to eating nothing but sorrow and pain as a way to atone for my sins and my past.

I just feel so unclean. So unworthy... of everything. They're all just too good for me, my dirtied hands, to touch. Too pure. I do not wish to defile their genuine smile and laughter with that of my tainted ones.

But that's just my self-destructive way of thinking. One that I need to save myself from. Somehow.