somewhere along the line, i gave myself an ultimatum.

this pain i can no longer bear and i doubt it wishes to bear these burdens of mine either.

i gave up hoping for romantic escapades. i had to kill my hopeless romantic self to destroy the envy that eats me up every time i see other couples put romance movies to shame.

i gave up wishing for dates. what's the point?
a date is just a fruit... and a jumble of numbers that rule our lives. a mere ingredient. something to keep track of time.

i gave up my need for someone to rely on. c'mon... you can't expect me to put up with all of those broken promises and perpetual disappointments. i have myself and i am confident that i can rely on my own abilities.

i gave up all of my expectations in what i have ever wanted in a relationship so i could stop crying every day, while living vicariously through other loving couples with seemingly perfect relationships.

i destroyed myself.

i don't know what i want anymore. i'm back to surviving.

i gave up everything, even myself...

i don't want to make sacrifices anymore. i don't want to give my all to someone, only to be depreciated and unappreciated.

when will someone reciprocate what i do for them? when will they learn to appreciate the things i have to go through just to put a smile on their face.

i don't know anymore.

it feels as if i'm back to square one. lost. broken. insecure.

someone please guide me back to the light.

the darkness is becoming quite comfortable.