I'm so fucking tired.

I'm so tired of holding these tears in. I'm dying to just break down and fall into pieces.

This stress is eating me up. It's killing me slowly and I can't do anything to stop it. I really can't.

I already have a plateful of shit to deal with at work... and I've also my other work to worry about. I'm still waiting for that fucking call where they tell me that I can't quit and that I have to drop my current life to lead a fucked up one where they own me. I don't want to go back there. I don't want to go through basic again. I don't want to go through AIT either. Fuck this fuck my life.

I can't even sleep anymore. I've been getting nightmares and crying in my sleep more often than I've ever done. Even my beloved can't protect me from that. He can't protect me from myself.

I'm sick. I'm so tired. I've lost my appetite for everything... I'm losing interesting in everything.

I haven't felt this powerless in a while. I haven't felt this pathetic as well.

Give me a reason to keep fighting. Because I can't anymore.

I'm letting everything catch up to me. I'm letting everything destroy me.

I can't even ask for help because there's nothing to be helped.

No one can help me but myself... It's me against myself.

And I'm not strong enough to keep fighting this endless battle. I can't win against my demons...

End this pain. End me... I can't... I really fuck.... help me.

I'm not strong enough. I'm not brave enough. I'm falling apart...

Why do people treat feelings with such half-hearted emotions? I do not kind of like someone. If I bring out the courage to like you, I like you a lot. I will care for you with everything I have in me. One boy years ago ruined it for me, so now I can’t show it anymore. But that is how I love. I do not shower you with compliments or constantly cling on to you. I do not tell you I love you every day. But if you ever needed me I would be there in a second. If you were feeling down I would go to the ends of the earth to make you happy again. I would not let one thing touch your happiness. I would defend your loyalty with my life. Nobody else in the world would matter because no one would compare to how bright you were in my eyes. I could only see you. Only want you. And in exchange all I ask for is that you can give me your all. That same kind of priority and dedication that I set aside for you in my life. Do not tell me you feel something partly for me. Do not tell me you feel anything for me if you cannot be responsible for your emotions. I cannot be with someone who is unsure.

We used to be so close. We used to be so close.

What's happening. What am I doing wrong?

It feels as if you're getting bored of me...

We don't even do anything together anymore.

People always get bored of me...

I should be used to it by now.

I should be used to it.